


My One Thing

by I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own



Series: Malec One Shots [8]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), Supernatural
Genre: Discussion of Suicide Ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-14 22:03:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18485284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own/pseuds/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own
Summary: Ask, and sometimes you shall receive. OR, in which Gabriel answers a prayer, Magnus and Alec discuss the possible consequences of a decision almost made.





	My One Thing

**Author's Note:**

> This weeks episode doesn't pop for me for another two hours, so I'm just over here sobbing and trying not to get my heart fucking broken from the spoilers I can find. :( :( :( Also,Never Be the Same by Red is tragic and very Malec rn.
> 
> I'm trying so hard not to write a fic where Magnus kills himself after Alec breaks up with him. I'm doing my best, guys!! I'M DOING MY BEST!!
> 
> Most of Supernatural canon is being totally fucking ignored here. Gabriel has been in 'Witness Protection' since Lucifer 'killed' him. Don't ask how Lucifer got out of the cage if Lilith wasn't involved because I haven't thought that far through this crossover, okay?!

_The road was brighter at the beginning,_  
_When I lived inside a dream._  
_Is it too late now for you to see me,_  
_When I'm breaking at the seams?_  
  
_You're the one thing I can't, I can't lose._  
_You're my one thing._  
~Coming Apart, Red

* * *

“Hey, Kiddo.” Magnus pauses at the voice that sounds behind him, and he closes his eyes, breathing in the night air, leaning over the balcony, anything to keep him from turning, from seeking the voice he knows cannot be real. “Hey, you prayed to me, don’t give me the silent treatment.” The voice states, and Magnus feels the air move around him, then a warm arm brush against his own.

“I thought… you were dead?” he asks, opening his eyes and staring at person who truly can’t be here.

“Rumours of my death were greatly exaggerated.”

“Gabriel!” Magnus exclaims, even as he feels something tight in his chest finally give way, tension beginning to bleed away.

“Things have been a bit of a mess upstairs.” Gabriel explains, shrugging his shoulders. “But, you didn’t pray to me so I could tell you about my woes. What’s wrong?”

“Dad took my magic in a deal.” Magnus answers, looking down at his hands, his breath hitching as he feels the loss all over again, the wound that refuses to heal.

“Oh, that’s easy.” Gabriel answers, with a devilish grin on his face. He reaches out and rests his hand over Magnus’ chest breathing in deeply as he begins to glow a beautiful green and gold.

“I already tried a transfusion.” Magnus argues, but he doesn’t pull away, watching fascinated as the colours swirl around Gabriel’s hand, disappearing beneath Magnus’ skin, he feels it swirling through his blood, warming him up, filling up that empty, gaping wound his father had left behind when he tore his magic away.

“This is pagan magic.” Gabriel explains, as the magic begins to settle and he pulls his hand back. “Not as powerful as what you had, but you’ll still wield more power than a great many warlocks. So long as you believe in me, or in Loki at the very least, you’ll have magic. Of course, you could always go and do a cross roads deal, but I definitely wouldn’t recommend it.”

“Thank you.” Magnus exclaims, staring down at his hands and calling the magic forth, swallowing thickly when the magic that caresses his skin is blue and warm and so familiar, and not the green/gold he'd expected. “How-?”

“I accessed your core.” His uncle explains, with a smile. “Warlocks aren’t really capable of tapping into each other’s cores, its why magic transfusions normally end in catastrophic failure. You’re just not designed to have that sort of access to each other. Your father and I, however? We predate magic, your kind of magic, anyway.” The angel explains with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Right.” Magnus murmurs, before letting the magic go and turning to frown at Gabriel. “Why did you answer my prayer? You’ve been… silent for years.” Gabriel hesitates for a moment, glancing over the edge of the balcony, at the ground far below, before looking back at Magnus.

“Did you mean it?” Gabriel asks, causing Magnus brow to furrow.

“I don’t understand. Mean what?”

“When you thought you might be better off dead?” Gabriel asks, and Magnus feels like he’s been punched in the gut, as he all but stumbles away from the balcony, turning on his heel to go back inside, his uncle following close behind. "Magnus?"

“I didn-“

“You can’t pick and choose what you put in the prayer, Magnus. Others might be able to, but not you. When you pray, you link into the angel network, through the corrupted tethers you received at conception.” Gabriel explains, snagging Magnus’ arm and pulling him down onto the edge of the bed, wrapping his arm around Magnus’ shoulders. “You’re an open book when you pray, it’s why I’ve always warned you to be careful who you prayed to. So, did you mean it?”

“No… yes… maybe.” Magnus answers, shaking his head. “It’s silly, right? To be so reliant on my magic, that without it I don’t feel like life is worth living.”

“It’s not silly. Your magic is a part of who you are, Magnus, like an angel’s grace is a part of them, like a soul is a part of any mundane. It’s concerning that you’ve spiraled so quickly, but I understand it.”

“Even if without my magic, I’m mortal, which means I could live a happy life with my mortal lover?” Magnus questions, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “We could have a lifetime, just one, but…”

“Ah, kiddo.” Gabriel says with a sigh, rubbing Magnus’ arm. “Okay, so you’re gonna have to introduce your lover to pagan magic.”

“He’s a Shadowhunter.”

“Oh, just get him to draw the immortality rune.” Gabriel answers, a perplexed frown on his face.

“The-the what?” Magnus asks, shifting to look Gabriel in the eye. “There’s an immortality rune?”

“Geeze, I know I wasn’t around to impart angelic knowledge to them, but I would have thought they’d have bothered to read more than just _Raziel’s_ Book of Runes.” Gabriel emotes, shaking his head. “Then again, I think the Men of Letters got my book, rather than the Clave… I’ll have to check that.”

“There’s an immortality rune?” Magnus asks again, his brain stuck on that one thing, Gabriel chuckles and reaches up to ruffle Magnus’ hair.

“There are runes for everything, kiddo.” He replies, shaking his head. “I’ll have to see where my book ended up, then I’ll see if your Shadowhunter is worth it.”

“He’s worth everything.” Magnus states, immediately, without hesitation.

“Mhm, we’ll see.” Gabriel answers, looking at the door as a key turns in the lock. “Oh, lover boy is home!”

“Gabriel!” Magnus whines, rubbing his forehead. “Honestly?”

“Magnus?” Alec asks, stopping in the doorway and frowning at the pair, Gabriel just grins and gives him a flirty little wave while Magnus rolls his eyes, pulls free of Gabriel’s grip and goes to greet Alec with a kiss.

“Hey, so it occurs to me that I’ve met your various family members and that you’ve yet to meet any of mine, except for my ex-step mother and she definitely does not count.” Magnus says, as he pulls away from the kiss. He sighs heavily and snags Alec’s hand, pulling him along to the bed, where Gabriel’s now standing up, smirking at the two of them. “Alexander, I’d like you to meet my Uncle Gabriel. Gabriel, I’d like you meet my boyfriend, Alexander.”

“The angel?” Alec questions, looking between Magnus and Gabriel, whose grin is full of so much mischievousness the hairs on Magnus’ arms stand up.

“That’d be the one. Magnus, you didn’t tell me your beau was the Head of the New York Institute.” Gabriel says, pointedly, Magnus throws his arms up in despair.

“You paid enough attention to know that, but not that I was dating him?” Magnus exclaims, incredulous. “How are you like this?”

“I never pay attention to who is dating who… actually, that’s not true. Your Uncle Castiel is currently winning me a load of money, but outside of that…” Gabriel answers, a smug grin on his face. “Why are you staying in the Institute, anyway? I thought it was weird when I figured out where I was, but you definitely shouldn’t be staying here if you’re dating the Head of the Institute? They have ridiculous rules about these things.”

“I’m currently homeless. I lost my loft to the High Warlock in the transfusion deal…” Magnus explains, refusing to look at either Alec or Gabriel, so he misses the way Gabriel’s eyes flash a dangerous gold.

“Well, Lightwood, it was a pleasure to meet you. You break my nephew’s heart, for any reason, and I’ll destroy you and everything you hold dear.” Gabriel threatens, with a vicious smile on his face. “Any who, I have to go and put the fear of me into a specific High Warlock.”

“Gabriel!” Magnus pleads, reaching out to grab Gabriel’s wrists, before he can leave. “Please, don’t, I-“

“Magnus, I’ve done a lot of really, truly, absolutely shit things in my life, but I’ve never once pushed someone under my command to the very edge.” Gabriel answers, shaking his head. “You lost your magic, you lost your immortality, you lost your job, and because your High Warlock is the scum of the earth, you lost your home, too. I won’t stand for it, Magnus.”

“He was just teaching me a lesson.” Magnus argues, squeezing tightly, desperately to Gabriel, but the angel isn’t moved.

“I've recently learned that there are other, better ways to teach a lesson than for brother to turn against brother. I won’t have it.” Gabriel snaps, gently pulling from Magnus’ grip and disappearing with the sound of fluttering wings.

“What just happened?” Alec asks, sounding utterly confused. “Magnus?”

“Let’s go sit on the balcony, I’ve got a lot to tell you.” Magnus says with a heavy sigh. “But first, I love you, you know?”

“I love you, too.” Alec answers immediately, as he allows Magnus to pull him out onto the balcony, where Magnus proceeds to explain the events of the evening, purposely not mentioning why Gabriel answered his call.

“And that’s everything.” Magnus announces with a relieved sigh, holding his arm up and letting the blue flame lick at his skin, the proof to Alec that this time, the magic is _his_.

“You have everything back?” Alec asks, even as he stares at the flame, unable to take his eyes away.

“Mhm.”

“Thank the Angel.” Alec exclaims, a tension Magnus hadn’t realized Alec was holding suddenly falls from the Shadowhunter and he slumps forward to rest his forehead on the table.  

“Alexander?” Magnus questions, a worried frown forming on his face.

“I… uhm… I spoke with your father.” Alec finally answers, looking up at Magnus. “I wanted to know what it would take to give your magic and your immortality back.”

“Oh, Alec-“

“It would have destroyed me to do it, Magnus. But I would have.” Alec explains, closing his eyes tightly and shaking his head. “I would have, for you.”

“What did he ask?” Magnus questions, coming around the table, to sink to his knees beside Alec, reaching out to grip Alec’s hands in his own, Alec breathes in and looks into his eyes, staring in silence for a few moments while he seems to gather himself.

“For me to break your heart.” Alec finally admits, almost swallowing the words before he can give voice to them. “To break up with you and leave you forever.”

“Why?” Magnus whispers, feeling like he’s suddenly been struck.

“He thinks I weaken you, thinks I make you vulnerable.” Alec answers, then he breathes in deep and looks away. “He said I’d be the death of you.”

“Oh.” Magnus exclaims, with a laugh. “So, he’s at it again.”

“What?”

“My father doesn’t really understand the concept of the shovel talk, you know, that you’re supposed to convince the lover that if they break your child’s heart, there’ll be consequences. My father is of the opinion that the shovel talk is about tricking your child’s lover into breaking both their hearts and leaving, and somehow that’s what’s best for everyone.” Magnus explains, rolling his eyes. “There is a reason I keep banishing him back to Edom, you know?”

“But I would have done it.”

“Yes, because you’re the most self-sacrificing person I know, dearest.” Magnus agrees, with a little laugh. “You’d have broken both of our hearts so I could have my magic back and not realized that it would have been for nothing, until it was too late.”

“What?” Alec questions, squeezing Magnus’ hands so tightly, Magnus starts to lose feeling in his fingers.

“I… the reason Gabriel’s off tormenting Lorenzo, is that until tonight, you were the only thing keeping me here.” Magnus explains, wrenching his hands from Alec’s grip, so he can get to his feet and start pacing along the tight confines of the balcony. “I lost my powers, my job, my home, before I met you, that would have been everything. What reason would I have had to carry on living?”

“Magnus?” Alec questions, suddenly so full of fear. “I-“

“Perhaps my father doesn’t realize, or perhaps his goal was to finally pay me back for banishing him, but if you’d left me. In the state I’m in now, I would’ve been dead long before my powers had a chance to come back.” Magnus admits, pausing to look down at his hands, as he feels the trembling in them. “I-I wouldn’t have survived.”

“God, I would have-“ Alec breathes, cutting himself off and closing his eyes against the images his mind conjures up. “Magnus-” he reaches out blindly, his breathing becoming frantic, Magnus is at his side in an instant, gripping his hand in one of his own, and pressing his free hand against Alec’s chest, magic glowing between them.

“Breathe, Alec.” Magnus soothes, getting as close to Alec as he can, and whispering soothingly into his ear.

“I would have… it would have been my fault.” Alec exclaims, around heaving breaths.

“Don’t think of it.”

“How can I not?” Alec asks, giving a hysteric little laugh. “You almost died!”

“No.” Magnus answers, shaking his head. “No, I didn’t. We took a different path, Alexander. We’re both here, together. Don’t dwell on the what ifs and could have beens, they lead to nothing but fear and sadness.  

“I love you, I thought-“

“I know.” Magnus whispers, pressing a gentle kiss to Alec’s neck, giving in when Alec wraps his free arm around him and pulls him in as close as he can. “I know.”

Alec is the first one to start crying, but when he does, it’s like the damn bursts and they clutch desperately at each other, taking comfort in each other, even as they feel like they’re being torn apart. They stay like that for a very long time, until the first rays of the morning sun shine upon them.

The journey has been long and it has been so very dark, but it is always darkest before the dawn.

* * *

_Hold on, I'm coming apart,_  
_I'm gone, but not too far._  
_Hold on, be strong,_  
_Don't give up on me today._  
_I'm coming apart, don't give up on me._

 _You're the one thing I can't, I can't lose._  
~Coming Apart, Red


End file.
